Help Proofreading a Chapter

Okay. I wrote the latest chapter for Pollination. I’m looking for proofreaders to just give me their feedback. This is a tricky chapter. Basically … not much happens in this chapter. It’s all set up for what’s going to happen later. So because of that, I need to know if this chapter is dull … too dull … and will readers hate it?

Should I post this as is? Or should I break this chapter up, and maybe spice it up a bit with some hot alien-flower sex?

Here’s the link:

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“hot alien-flower sex” – LOL!!!

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It is what it is. Sign me up. I’m not judging. Get that symbiote in me already!

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I don’t think it’s dull, as the chapter does its job of making me curious about what happens next. But I think it would be a lot hotter if it had some sex in the final part. Of course, it’s your story, but I didn’t really like the way that Bud and Hal were deliberately seeking out the symbiote infection. For me, the hot part of the Pollination series is how men get taken unaware by the symbiote. If I were writing it, maybe either Bud or Hal would have already taken his first “hit” of the flower, and he giddily persuades the other man to come over and see the flowers. But again, it’s your story, not mine.

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I just wanted to add, that it’s exactly the opposite for me. The deliberate self-infection makes it even hotter for me.

Not to counter Hypnothrill, just to stress that we all off to different things :slight_smile:

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I see what you’re saying. But 10 - 15 years have gone by. And word had gotten out regrading the aliens. Maybe I haven’t been clear in the stories enough. But there’s a state of fear regarding these alien flowers. The government uses the existence of the aliens as a way to control the population. Fear keeps the general civilian population in line. In this case, it’s marginilizing the men; removing them from high-profile jobs and positions.

Years of abuse have made the men bitter. I’ve hinted at this, but I haven’t outright said it. It’s hard to keep things natural. I don’t want characters to suddenly begin monologuing about what the government is doing to them socially. It just doesn’t come off natural.

But basically, everyone knows about the aliens. So there’s no element of surprise. But then what’s interesting is: the men are willingly allowing themselves to be infected. When their backs have been against the wall, and they have no recourse, they will willingly accept the aliens.

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Got it! I really respect what you’re doing as a writer, and I think there’s some interesting world-building going on in this series. It’s just not hitting my erotic buttons the way the original Pollination series did. But that’s okay–a lot of other guys on the forum are clearly loving it!